Step 1: Have a hand.

Step 2: Curl your fingers together so that the tips of your nails – your sweet, tender nails, so delicately painted, so marvelous, so pristine – are touching your palm.

Step 3: Curl your thumb and place one side of it against your closed fingers. There should only be one side that can do it. The… the finger-y side. I don’t know what you call that.

From here, you have a few options.

  • Bump your fist against that of your companion. This is known as a “brofist.”
  • Pump your fist into the air. This is known as “a victory pump.”
  • Smack that fist hard into someone’s jaw. This is known as “assault.”
  • Smack that fist hard into some bread. Please look up bread recipes separately from this. I don’t have the time or patience for any of this.
  • Use the MASKING TAPE and CAT BOOGERS together to form the ZARGLON, which is used to power the master chef’s moon rocket.

Answer What Are You Playing this week. I get paid by the comment and I could use the money. Tell all your friends how great this intro was.

Bonus question: What were you really scared of as a kid that no longer frightens you?

Brendan Drain (@nyphur): It’s beach party time in RuneScape, so I will be spending an unhealthy amount of time this weekend shovelling sand to avoid having to train Construction normally.

Bonus question: Used to be scared of dogs after getting chased by two huge german shepherds, now I couldn’t imagine life without a dog! Seriously, who doesn’t love dogs?

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Lord of the Rings Online! It’s been nice to be back in there with only minimal hiccups now. Been leveling alts and crafting – good times.

Poltergeist. Also the music from Unsolved Mysteries. Actually those still creep me out, but not really the same way.

Carlo Lacsina (@UltraMudkipEX), YouTube): I made a promise to myself to get a high rank in any game in the next few months, and I picked Teamfight Tactics. I’ll be climbing the ladder this weekend! I want to see how far I can go before the season ends in about 50 or so days.

As for something I was afraid of when I wad a kid but no longer afraid of… I will have to say vacuums. I used to think they would suck me up so whenever it was being used I would have my feet up on a table or a chair.

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): My usual weekly stuff in Final Fantasy XIV, and then there’s at least one other project to work on this weekend. I also feel the need to get something else on my overall game rotation. I’m finding myself with a lot of otherwise empty time that’s not doing my brain any favors.

When I was younger… well, I was scared of the Blob. Yes, the movie monster “the Blob,” a movie I have not seen to this day. There were ads for it on the TV when I was little, and I thought that it was the most terrifying thing ever, because shutting a door wouldn’t stop it and you couldn’t hit it to stop it either. As a kid I would lie in bed, shaking, staring at the light bleeding in through the bottom of the door, certain that when it went out sticky ooze would flow beneath the bottom and slip toward me with malicious intent. Also, bee stings.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I am very unsure what I’ll be playing. The Guild Wars 2 update did drop this week but I’m not feeling my usual pull to play. If that doesn’t come through then maybe some indie game. I’ve got a few I’ve been meaning to open up.

I was afraid of the dark. I recall keeping lights on and toys at the ready in case I came under siege. Nowadays, I live for the dark. Keep the lights off. All I need is the glow of the monitor.

Tyler Edwards (blog): I’m playing a lot Agents of Mayhem. While admittedly mindless, it has turned out to be surprisingly fun – downright addictive, in fact. It’s like horrible junk food that you just can’t stop eating. Beyond that, I’m leveling my prestiged Raynor in StarCraft II co-op, and on the tabletop front, I have a trial session of a new Curse of Strahd campaign.

Bonus question: I’m scared of basically everything and always have been, but one thing I have (mostly) overcome is my fear of escalators. Those scared the crap out of me as a kid; I was always afraid my foot would end up caught in the machinery or something. These days I’m largely over that, though I do still tend to prefer taking the stairs where possible. Burns more calories anyway.

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!

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Eric Danlock

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Dota 2 competitive player/analyst/panellist from mains.io. A lifelong nerd who has almost certainly spent more time in front of various screens and monitors than is strictly healthy.

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